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Wow how time goes past so quickly. My little baby Sasha is now 5 months old, she is just so sweet I love this period when they are starting to smile all the time and making cute little noises. She really cheers me up when I feel down and I know that she loves me so much. Bree said that she is always looking around if she hears my voice in another room. She is bringing much joy to our home and I am just so glad that we had her.

Well today started out ok. Jason gave me a sleep in and than got me up at 9.15 to be at church for 10am and we had a 20 minute drive to say the least it was full on as soon as I got up. But I did appreciate that he did that. We got to church right on time Praise God.

Church was nice and Jason even touched my back which is rare as we hates to do the public affection thing. I was a bit upset as I didn’t know why he was doing it. Last night I was feeling very depressed and hurt by what had been said about me causing Jason to be depressed and I suppose I started to dwell on it at church and I just made myself feel more down.

Than as soon as we left church I just wanted to cry. The sadest thing was I lashed out at Jason saying that he never loved me or cared about me and I couldn’t cope with it anymore. Now Jason is shut off to me.

 I can’t stop crying as it hurts so much but Jason doesn’t care why would he he never has. I honestly want to me loved and cared for and shown that he cares but that is never going to happen, as that is not Jason. I have lost all hope. I am tired sad and feeling just plain down.  I dont feel like my marriage will ever really work.

Well that me feeling sorry for myself.